Who have you lost
The relationship you had with someone shapes how you grieve for them
Grief is not just about the fact of a death. It is shaped by who died, what they meant to you, and the particular texture of your relationship with them. It is shaped by who died, what they meant to you, and the nature of your relationship with them. Losing a partner is different from losing a brother or sister. Losing someone with whom your relationship was complicated is different again.
There is no hierarchy of loss — no bereavement that counts for more than another. What matters is what this person meant to you, and what their absence means now.
Loss of a Partner or Spouse
Losing a partner or spouse is for many people the most significant bereavement of their life. It is not just the loss of a person — it is the loss of a shared life, a daily presence, a future that was assumed.
There are aspects of any long relationship — its difficulties as well as its joys — that are hard to share with family or friends. Many of my clients tell me that having someone entirely outside the family, with no stake in how you remember the person, is one of the most valuable things about the work we do together.
Bereavement also has a way of surfacing family tensions that were already there. When a partner dies, relationships with stepchildren, with in-laws, with a wider family that may have complex loyalties, can become unexpectedly difficult. These tensions are a normal part of bereavement, and they are something I work with regularly
Loss of a Parent
The death of a parent, even when it is expected, even when the parent was elderly, is rarely straightforward. For many people it is their first significant bereavement, and it can feel destabilising in ways that are hard to explain — a sense of the ground shifting, of suddenly being the older generation.
When the relationship with a parent was difficult or complicated, grief can be harder still. There may be things that were never said, never resolved. There may be feelings of relief alongside grief, and guilt about that relief.
Loss of a Child
The death of a child — at any age — is a bereavement that sits outside the natural order of things. It is one of the most profound losses a person can experience, and one of the most difficult to process. Parents often feel that those around them, however well-meaning, cannot fully understand.
I work with parents who have lost children at all stages of life — from pregnancy loss and infant death through to the loss of adult children. Each is different, and each deserves careful, unhurried attention.
Loss of a Brother or Sister
Losing a brother or sister is one of the least acknowledged bereavements. When a parent dies, people rally around. When a sibling dies, the focus often shifts elsewhere — to your parents, to their partner or children — and your own grief can get lost in the process, sometimes even to yourself.
Your brother or sister may have been the person who knew you longest — the one who shared your childhood, your family history, your private language. That loss is unlike any other, and it deserves to be treated as such.
Loss of a Friend
The death of a close friend can be as devastating as any family bereavement — and is frequently treated as less significant by those around you. Friends are chosen family, and the loss of a long friendship, or a friendship that has been a central part of your life, deserves the same care and attention as any other loss.
Pet Bereavement
The loss of a pet is a genuine and significant bereavement, and one that is routinely underestimated — even by the people experiencing it, who sometimes feel embarrassed by the depth of their grief. A pet is a daily presence, a companion, often a source of unconditional comfort. Their absence leaves a real gap.
I hold a specific qualification in pet bereavement, and I take it seriously. If you have lost an animal and found the grief harder than you expected — or harder than others around you seem to think it should be — please do get in touch.
Complicated Relationships
Not all relationships are straightforward, and grief after a complicated relationship can be among the most difficult to process. This includes the loss of someone from whom you were estranged, or with whom your relationship was difficult or painful. It includes situations where there were things left unresolved — words unsaid, questions unanswered.
It also includes losses where others around you may not fully understand the significance of who you have lost — a former partner, someone whose relationship with you was not widely known, or someone whose role in your life is hard to explain.
Whatever the complexity, the grief is real. And it can be worked with.
Bereavement Only
Grief and loss are the only things I work with. Every client, every situation, every approach I have developed has been about bereavement — nothing else.
BACP Accredited
Member 269896. I follow the BACP Ethical Framework in all my work.
DBS checked.
Qualified Supervisor
I have supervised other counsellors working with bereaved clients — a depth of experience that goes beyond private practice alone.
Whoever you have lost, the first step is simply a conversation.
I offer a free 20-minute initial conversation — no obligation, no referral needed.
Call: 0771 516 0337
or use the form to contact me.